Love & Recovery: How Addiction Impacts Couples & Families

Addiction doesn’t just affect one person—it reshapes entire families and relationships. From broken trust and emotional burnout to financial stress and strained communication, substance use disorders (SUD) often leave loved ones searching for answers and hope.  

Helping a loved one through addiction can be an emotional journey. At BrightView Health, we support not only individuals in recovery, but also couples and families walking beside them.

How Addiction Strains Family Relationships

Both living with addiction and supporting a loved one with it can be mentally draining. Even loving families can be pulled apart due to the emotional toll of addiction. Arguments, pent-up frustration, and loss of trust all quickly erode relationships that were once happy and healthy.

According to BrightView Health’s Vice President of Quality Operations, Rhonda Roper, addiction is a chronic medical condition, not a moral failure. She knows how heavy the effects of addiction can be on everyone.

“Addiction not only impacts the individual’s life but also affects the family unit as a whole through strain on family relationships, friendships, parenting, finances, work and even the broader community.”

Negative emotions experienced when supporting someone with an alcohol or substance use disorder (AUD/SUD) can influence how we view the person and the situation. It can feel easy to place the blame on the loved one with a SUD for not stopping their behavior.

But through all the ups and downs, Roper reminds us to stay grounded and remember the facts.

“It is essential to recognize addiction as a chronic, relapsing condition, rooted in both psychological and physiological factors. It is not related to willpower,” states Roper.

Does Addiction Run in Families?

Developing a SUD is much more likely when there is a family history of addiction. However, it is incredibly difficult to pinpoint where or how the pattern started.

Genetics

Do genes play a role in addiction? According to scientific research, there is not one specific “addiction gene.” However, there are some genes that have been found to be related to the risk of developing an SUD.

• DRD2: Affects how our body processes dopamine, the reward chemical.
• OPRM1: Impacts how our body responds to opioids.
• CHRNA5: Variations in this gene are connected to our body’s response to nicotine.

Family Environment

DNA is not the only contributing factor to the development of SUD. Family environment can be just as influential, if not more, than genetics. Studies show that aspects of upbringing influences how a person will be impacted by addiction, such as:

• Gender
• Attitudes
• Beliefs
• Education
• Family role

For example, in a family environment where substance use is portrayed as the norm, a loved one who decides to get sober may be emotionally pressured into continued use or seen as an outcast.

BrightView patient Adam understands firsthand how difficult it can be to end the pattern of addiction within your family.

“It wasn’t that abnormal to shoot cocaine with my parents when I was 18 years old. It wasn’t that abnormal to have heroin stashed in school when I was 15 years old…I can’t think back to a point when I say, ‘this is why I became an addict.’ Because of my generational history – family history – I come from that place where it’s almost a rite of passage.”

You can hear more of Adam’s story, including how love, support, and recovery transformed his life and relationships, in BrightView’s documentary “Addiction Ultimatum: Jail, Death, Recovery”. The film explores the ripple effects of addiction and recovery on families, relationships, and entire communities.

Breaking the Cycle

Sometimes all it takes is one person to break the family cycle of addiction. A loved one who feels brave enough to go against the grain and fight back against SUD, even if others don’t understand at first. It may just inspire them to become sober too. Roper says,

“Knowing a family member is in recovery can offer hope and support for others in the family who are impacted by their own substance or alcohol use disorder. They can offer sober support to one another and be a crucial addition to an individual’s recovery plan.”

How Addiction Affects Romantic Relationships

Alongside family relationships, addiction heavily impacts romantic relationships too.  Similarly to familial relationships, unhealthy communication and emotional neglect deeply affect couples.

“Addiction’s ripple effects on romantic relationships are profound and pervasive,” explains Roper. “It can lead to confusing emotions, disruptive communication, and strains the very foundations of love such as trust, intimacy, and partnership.”

Being in a relationship with someone who has a SUD or AUD increases certain risks in a romantic relationship such as:

• Arguments
• Codependency
• Negative emotional or physical impact on children
• Intimate partner violence
• Using substances together to emotionally connect
• Isolation from family and friends
• Only showing affection when under the influence
• Financial strain

Increased tension and pressure to use can create a vicious cycle of conflict and substance use. Despite it all, there is hope. According to Roper, there are some critical moves couples can make to rebuild the foundation of their relationship and increase communication, including:

• Setting boundaries
• Calmly and clearly expressing your feelings
• Expressing wants and needs
• Seeking additional help through therapy

Steps You Can Take to Help a Loved One

Whether there is one person in a couple or family, or an entire family living with a SUD, there are important actions you can take to show love and support. Offering help to someone with an addiction can be a delicate situation, so be mindful of how you approach the situation.

“Fear, shame, and denial are common emotions for someone to experience when managing substance use,” Roper explains. “For the person struggling, the idea of treatment may feel threatening, like a loss of control or failing. For family members, the conversation can stir up guilt, frustration, grief, and fear of making things worse.”

Follow these tips to guide you through creating a safe space to address your loved one and offer them help:

• Prepare beforehand
• Speak when they are sober
• Stay calm and be clear
• Use respectful first-person language
• Focus on behaviors not character flaws
• Avoid placing blame or shame
• Do not minimize their struggles
• Pause and take a break if needed
• Seek professional guidance from a counselor or doctor

It may not be easy, but encouraging a loved one to seek treatment could be the greatest reward you can offer them in a time where they in need of help. Adam knows how meaningful that gesture can be for loved ones:

“I had a friend who dragged me to treatment, kicking and screaming, because she believed in me and believed I could get it right,” Adam tells us. “Six months to a year later, I have a manager’s position at my job, I’m paying off fines, I have my own vehicle, and I have a wife. That friend who dragged me into treatment? She’s my wife, and we’ve been married for 17 years now.”

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Through all of the challenges, recovery is possible, for individuals, couples, and families alike.

“During addiction, it can be common for individuals to lose hope or have no hope – they can’t imagine things getting better. But hope is a powerful cognitive tool,” Roper says. “Hope helps you set goals and work toward them—and that’s an important part of charting your course to recovery.”

With the right treatment and support, families can begin healing together. Recovery is not a linear path, but at addiction treatment centers like BrightView, professionals can help you and your loved ones face adversity head on and help you grow.

“One time I finally sat through the in-take and at the end of the day I got medicated. And the craziest thing happened because when I went home, I didn’t feel the need to go look for drugs. That steam rolls into 5, 6, 7, 10 days, then three weeks in, I’m literally changing, I can feel it. You hit this threshold where being sober is the new high – it’s incredible. You rediscover everything about your entire life. And so, your days start to become your inspiration.” – Adam

Cover image provided by Adobe Stock.